I used to be cool, but now I’m a bride
I got engaged last week to a guy a have been dating for 8 1/2 years. Before I got engaged I was a 29 year old girl, living in Brooklyn, having a fine old time with an awesome job and amazing friends running around the city doing cool shit.
The internet has targeted marketing powers that would try to sell me tickets to go see Electric Six or get me to donate money to some liberal political cause. Then, I got engaged. Now there are no more ads for bands of political issues, only bridal planning shit. My Facebook page is covered in people I knew in elementary school back in Indiana giving me advice and wishing me the best, and pop-up ads tell me I need to have the perfect wedding in Aruba or some shit like that.
Everybody wants to know “how did he ask?” and “where’s the ring?” Well fuckers, he asked the way that TV and Rom Coms told him to, because that is what he was told he was supposed to do, and the ring was already sent back to jewelers for repair because I knocked two of the stones out in the first few hours of wearing it while getting shit-faced at a very fancy restaurant.
This blog is going to be about all of the shit that I hate about being engaged. Luckily, I am engaged to a guy who suggested I start this blog in order to systematically register all of the shit that sucks about getting married to the person I love most in the whole world. Who, by the way, is not inundated with all of this wedding shit, because he is a boy and boys are not supposed to care.
Ideally, I will get tapped for a book deal and they will make a romantic comedy starring Anne Hathaway out of my story then future brides can add me to their list of things they hate about being engaged.
